I Pee Myself on the Reg

I peed at school once.

It was 1990, and I had a short hair and looked like a boy. I am also named Toni, so most people thought I was boy. At some point, I got the short hair permed, and then I looked like a little Mork from Mork & Mindy. There weren’t any 8 year olds as cool as I was to know that show, so I just looked like a fat little boy with terrible hair. Oh yeah… I was fat. I guess it was better to look like a fat little boy. Because as a fat little boy, I was going to grow up and be a football player. As a fat little girl, I was going to grow up only to die alone with 107 cats.

I was in the second grade. I went to the nurse’s office and sat there and sat there waiting to be seen, and then it crept up on me… I had to pee. I wanted to tell someone, but I was so scared. And I held it as long as I could, but then it flowed out of me soaking my navy-blue shorts. I don’t think I told anyone. I just got up and walked down the hallway, until the woman who worked in the office came after me. She brought me back to the office and searched for shorts that would fit me. I was round, and she found one pair that squeezed on me, but wouldn’t zip all the way. It was Catholic school, so our shirts were supposed to be tucked in, so I was allowed to break that rule for the rest of day.

I have never forgotten that day. I don’t know why I didn’t just say something. I had to pee!! And as I sit here, I think about every time I didn’t say anything. Why have I chosen to pee myself over and over again?

I am going to leave it right there… I mean doesn’t Carrie Bradshaw end her articles with questions?