• Toni Anita Hull

Challenge # 3...You can't spell CANAL without ANAL

74. Venice canals: You know about the Venice Board walk – all the unitard wearing, anvil lifting scenery you could ever want to take in, but for a more serene jaunt, try bumping into new people that are more your speed on foot or by bike – start between Washington Avenue and Venice Boulevard.

It was one of those perfect LA afternoons. Sun was shining. There was a light breeze. My friend, Nicole and I strolled the canals of Venice when we ran into a couple of guys sitting in their backyards. These two men took notice of us and invited us in for wine. Kyle and Ben. We laughed, played Cards Against Humanity, and then got our mac on until the wee small hours of the morning. Kyle and Ben woke up early and made us breakfast and mimosas. Then we took their coat down the canal whilst they played their guitars. It was perfect.

Then it became cold and wet and dark. I felt disoriented. Confused. I was on my back. What was happening????????

Nicole was standing over me. In a panic. As I glanced to the left of her, there was a large, angry, hairy beast of a man. He began to scold me, "That was really stupid of you young lady. You need to be more careful. Next time you try to take a selfie with a duck, make sure you aren't near water. You are lucky I was around. Little bit here couldn't have pulled you out herself."

He then begrudgingly walked away.

It turns out I had been trying to take a selfie with a duck and feel into the water and hit my head. The beast was watering his plants when he saw me fall and pulled me out. My fucking hero. Why was he such a jackass? He didn't HAVE to help me. I mean it could have happened to anyone. A duck selfie on Intagram is BALLER. I probably should have gone to the ER, but Nicole and I grabbed beers instead.


It seems the canals did't have any potential for meeting men. On a scale of 1-10, 1 being "I WOULD HAVE BETTER LUCK FINDING A DUDE AT A LESBAIN BAR" to 10 being "I FOUND MY HUSBAND HERE", I would give the Venice Canals a big old ONE.


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