• Toni Anita Hull

How to Live on A Couch for a Year

I moved to LA last June. My friend offered her couch to me for a few months while I got on my feet.

That few months turned in to 13 months.

How does one live on a couch for 13 months? Let me break it down:

1. Leave your dignity outside. A grown ass woman living on a couch isn't anything to be proud of...neither is ending a sentence in a preposition.

2. Be prepared to cry into your pillow or quietly in the shower.

3. Act cool when your roommate sits on the couch to watch TV. That's her couch first and foremost; not your bed.

4. Let your back know that someday, it will sleep on a bed again. Try to spend a night here and there with a friend who has a spare bed.

5. Invest in wrinkle releaser. Most likely, you will be living out of a duffel bag.

6. Remind friends and family from out of town that you live on a couch and cannot accommodate them if they want to visit.

7. Know that you will not be seeing your friends and family from out of town until you move off the couch.

8. Get used to the idea that you won' be touched romantically/sensually/sexually because no one will ever be brought back to your place.

9. You won't meet anyone new because you won't leave after you have found a spot to park for the night. The one bedroom apartment only came with one parking spot - street parking for you.

10. Invest in various glasses/sunglasses in case you run into the landlord. If they call you out on not living there, remind them that you are the elderly cat nurse for Apartment # (insert apartment number here).

11. Be judged.

Why sleep on a couch for 13 months? Because I decided at 31 that I wanted to become a comedy writer and apparently we do crazy things for our dreams. So keep reading my stuff. I didn't fucking sleep on a couch for 13 months for nuthin.


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