October 22, 2018

I peed at school once.

It was 1990, and I had a short hair and looked like a boy. I am also named Toni, so most people thought I was boy. At some point, I got the short hair permed, and then I looked like a little Mork from Mork & Mindy. There weren’t any 8 year olds as...

October 14, 2018

I cannot believe that I am about to write this....

I PUT MY UNDERWEAR UP FOR SALE ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB.

Fun reminder: I quit my job in June because I was miserable. I cashed out my meager retirement, got a new credit card, and have been stitching together part time jobs...

October 8, 2018

This week marks 17 years since my parents died, and it’s still hard, ya know? I am always looking to cling to any sign of them. Anything at all that reminds of them. And I am always on a quest to make myself better, and be the daughter that they could be proud of. Beca...

September 4, 2018

I have been to two weddings since we last spoke. I also went to comedy camp (where I was awkward AF), and visited my brother. I have had approximately 1000 alcoholic beverages since then, and have gained 17lbs, but lost maybe like 8 of them. I have cried a lot. In fact...

July 26, 2018

I am at the airport. I like writing in airports. I usually have a cocktail in hand, but as it’s 4:45am here in Los Angeles, that’s not possible. It is illegal to serve alcohol before 6am. Aren’t airports exempt from such rules? I saw that one movie with Tom Hanks that...

July 15, 2018

I had a small bout of food poisoning the other day and my first thought was… YAS! I’m gonna lose weight without even trying!!! I don’t care if it will cost agonizing pain… SIZE 6, HERE I COME!

The truth: I want to be skinny. I’ve never ever been skinny. I almost feel as...

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